Prior to becoming a mother, I always wondered where all those new moms went. They seemed to somehow disappear. Their social media accounts that were once filled with their solo, glorious and confident selves suddenly became scattered with a hundred baby photos. Even their account names changed. So I began to recognize my mom friends by their babies’ faces and not theirs.
It was only when I became a mama myself that I learned about the mother phase. And not just learned about it, but embraced it with a passion that was so unfamiliar but so right at the same time.
People claim that a loss of identity happens upon entering motherhood. One becomes immersed in a world that revolves around nappy changes and sleep schedules for the baby. So engulfed one becomes that self-care sometimes is not an option. But as a mother, it really does not matter. So long as your baby is tended to 112%.
Although I personally recognize this phase of identity loss, I prefer to look at it in a different perspective and define it as adding another layer to my personhood. Whereas before I was a woman, a wife, a daughter and a fur mom; now I can add mother to that biodata.
I would like to believe that despite the dramatic transformation we undergo when we become mothers, we never forget ourselves as simply us. That behind the sticky unkempt hair and cheese-smelling shirts, we don’t forget the glamorous women we are.
It is easier said than done I know. How can one feel beautiful when you can’t remember the last time you shampooed or had your nails done and your go-to clothes are joggers and oversized tees? How can one feel beautiful when you have three chins and dark patches under your eyes? Yet strangely, it does not matter as much as you thought it would during your pre-mom years. That bit of self-absorption you had has turned to selflessness.
But it is not an exaggeration when they said that babies grow overnight. So before my little one fully outgrows my lap, I’ll savor the clinginess with a fervour and remain immersed in this mommy phase. I continue to willingly join those women who somehow disappeared. Because I know, this mommy phase, is just that, a phase. Pretty soon I will not be the little one’s most favorite human. And with that, I’ll miss the quiet yet chaotic moments, the long yet fleeting hours, the exhausting yet satisfying emotions.
These days I have to admit that there’s always the desire to do more and be more. But then I realize that who I am now is beyond any role that I could have ever imagined. It’s the most privileged, humbling yet fulfilling role I believe I could achieve in this lifetime.
And so now I understand how women disappear when they become mothers. They seemingly disappear from us because in reality, they are very present to those that matter the most.
Yzagada 